Monday, February 2, 2015

I have been having so many problems this last week.  The whole primary thing seems like it is never ending.  I was sick to my stomach for a couple days, because of the bad feelings I had.  I tried to repent and let it go, stop the bad talk, but people kept asking and talking to me about it.  I should have just kept my mouth shut and let it be, but I didn’t, I voiced my opinion.  Why can’t I just let it go?  I keep telling myself, ‘no more!’ just to turn around and find myself talking crap.  I guess that might answer my question as to why I haven’t really been in tune with the spirit.  I feel dead inside, no wonder.  I don’t feel like crap anymore, but I feel empty and I HATE it!  I have no desire right now to do anything.  I think I’m probably tired every morning, but this past week I’ve really used that excuse, and haven’t been reading my scriptures.  I can come up with about a hundred excuses why I can’t do anything.  I’m not getting anything out of reading.  Nothing seems to be sticking to my brain!  BUT, something President Tony Randall said yesterday at Stake Conference hit me.  He said something to the point of this, ‘some people say that when they read the scriptures they can’t remember what they’ve read, so why read?  Do you remember what you had for dinner several weeks ago?  You probably don’t, but it was good and it was nourishing.  That is the same with reading the scriptures.  We may not remember what we’ve read, but it was good and nourishing to our souls.’  I got it, I need to read regardless.  Now I just need to have the desire, and that’s sometimes hard to come by.  I’M JUST SO TIRED!