Friday, October 31, 2014

Happy Halloween!  For some reason yesterday when I got home from work I was full of anxiety!  Anxiety about work mostly!  I get so fed up with.....well, we have rules from the district that we are supposed to follow, so why in the heck don’t' we follow them!?  I try to make it easier for us to keep track of things, but yesterday I had had it and wanted to throw my hands in the air and say "SCREW YOU ALL!"  The lunch program is in the RED and our big boss from the district is trying to help us understand that we need to try and be more frugal, and not throw things away that we can re-use.  For example yesterday.....There was a field trip and Karen had fixed them some sack lunches, when they returned they brought back the extra lunches, I found them in the garbage!  Yah it was only 4 or 5, but the ranch, the chips the cookie (that was prepackaged), and the mayo and mustard, all can be reused!  Then let’s rewind to when Tammie and I were at the high school.  We are supposed to count EVERYTHING, and I try to, but most of the time I feel like I'm the only one that does.  Yesterday before I counted the chips, I think she had combined them all and put them away.  I know that doesn't seem like it should matter and it’s stupid and little, but I was already upset that there weren't enough vegetables made for us to give the kids.   Things just frustrate me and I don’t know how to say anything to anyone about anything without feeling like I’m stepping out of bounds and questioning their authority.  How do I do it without hurting anyone’s feelings?   This may not make any sense to ANYONE but me, but oh well.  Things did get a little better by that evening.  It took quite a while, but it did get better.

Here is what I have decided....STOP PUTTING YOURSELF DOWN!  Oh but I only read like 2 or 3 verses of scripture a day, or I don't have FHE very often, we don't have family prayer, I don't say my prayers, I yell at my kids all of the time, I hate my life, I am so TERRIABEL, I should be doing so much more!  Things like this make me feel like CRAP!  Why do I do this to myself?  I blame it on Satan, the sneaky little turd!  You know what I think, I think that even if we aren't perfect at these things it's okay; there are other things that I think outweigh some of this.  For example, I think it is important to read our scriptures every day, but should I get down on myself if I miss a day, or if I only put in enough time for a couple verses?  I think that maybe, just maybe that's okay, because I don't think I need to be perfect at reciting scriptures, when I'm listening to conference talks almost every day, I am 'trying' to be a good example to others, and maybe my good attitude that I show to others might help them want to be better.  There is TONS of stuff we do in our lives that is good, so if we aren't perfect at everything, I think that's ok.  I told Jack this yesterday, and I stand by it, Satan is the only one that wants us to feel like crap, he is so happy when we are miserable.  On the other hand our Heavenly Father is so miserable when we feel like crap and so happy when we are happy!