Monday evening 12-1-14

I don’t know who keeps reading my blog, but you will have to ignore this post because I am doing some serious venting!

I seriously feel like I have been stabbed in the back by several people but especially by my own mother!  This Stupid cruise thing is just crap!  So here’s the text I sent to everyone.

“After talking to mom and dad the other night this is what we've decided. We understand that some of you might not want to or might not be able to afford to go on a cruise. We also want you to know that this is completely your decision and we won't hold anything against you. We are still planning for the summer of 2016 leaving from Florida. For those of you who might be thinking about it dad and mom just wanted me to mention a couple things. If you can and want to come GREAT! If you decide against it that is completely fine too, no hard feelings. They also wanted me to make a few points, you can be with the rest of the family as much or as little as you want. We will be having a scheduled dinner together every night on the ship if you want to show up to have some "family" time, if not then don’t. This is just a trip for whoever chooses to go to have fun and relax.
Also just aside note, I looked on the internet and won't be able to book until next month if we're still planning in June 2016. I don't want to keep bugging those who have no interest, so if I don't hear back from you then I'll just take that as a No. I don't necessarily need to know numbers by our Christmas party, but I need to know before the end of the month, so please try to get me your info as soon as possible.”

I should have known that the person who was so heated about the situation the other day would have gotten upset.  I tried to make that text sound as nice as possible.  My whole point wasn’t to make people feel like they needed to come or anything, just that some of us want to go on a cruise, join us if you’d like to.  My sister called me today and told me the outcome of my text.  Here’s where I feel like my mother stabbed me in the back.  Yesterday I went over to talk to my parents about the whole cruise thing, my mother had plenty of chances to tell me how she felt, but she kept quiet and didn’t say a word and acted like she was just fine with everything.  My dad also acted like he was all for going on this cruise, I have never once heard him say a negative thing about this cruise. Oh and by the way, this whole FAMILY CRUISE thing, my mom’s idea!  My mom went to St. George today for some reason, and apparently has been so stressed out about this cruise that she had to go to my brother, the one who so happens to have the big problem with this stupid cruise, and tell him how stressed she is and that she needs a blessing.  I would love to know what the heck she is stressing about!  Anyways, he called my sister and reams her out and talks to her about a bunch of stupid stuff.  The way I feel about what he and his wife say to us to make us feel like we are just waiting around for my parents to die to get their money, infuriates me to no end!  You know, because they are perfect.  Anyways my sister called me and told me about her conversation.  I told her how I feel.  Any chance I’ve had to talk to my siblings about this cruise I have taken and it’s always ended up that this particular couple has always had some kind of problem, but they would do it because everyone else voted to go out of Florida.  We have been talking about his dang thing for over a year for crying out loud.  Everyone has seemed fine with it, until now when it’s coming down to actually booking the cruise, now it’s all blowing up in my face.  I feel like this “couple” is crapping over everything that I’ve been trying to arrange.  I told my sister that I’m going to have to seriously talk myself into going to our stupid Christmas party on Sunday.  Right now I want absolutely NOTHING to do with my family!  I want to go yell at my mom right now and tell her how I feel about her going and crying to the one person I needed her not to go to, why couldn’t she have said something last night!  Brenden says I need to talk to my brother and get this all sorted out.  Of course he is the last person I want to see or talk to!  Right now I am so full of hatred; I don’t want to let it go.  I want it to eat me alive; I want to feed off it!  I feel so betrayed; I just want to shut everyone out.  Eventually I will come to my senses, but not today.  I know this post is all over the place, but it’s hard for me to put down exactly how I feel.