When being taught

When the Lord wants to teach you something you'd better watch out! This morning started out like any other morning. I woke up, the kids had been sleeping downstairs and were watching TV. On Sunday I like to try and set a good spirit by watching church videos before church. They continued to watch TV until I had to MAKE them put in a video. It actually went a lot better this morning that other Sunday mornings. I also like to actually make breakfast on Sundays, to make it a special day. I did so, and by the time we were all done, I only had about 2 1/2 hours till church. When I first got called to the Young Women's I was really good at preparing my lesson about a week before. Lately I've been preparing my lesson on the day that I have to teach, it's easy to get into that habit unfortunately.  There have been a couple times that I came across an activity I could have done if I would have had more time to prepare, or go to the store. So Saturday before the store closed I hurried and read over my lesson, got what I needed for the activity and was all set. After breakfast this morning I came in and started to really prepare and study my lesson. I do this all the time and things seem to turn out okay. Things were going really slow, I mean I just wasn't seeming to get it all done. The kids were right outside my door and I couldn't concentrate on the lesson. My computer was giving me major problems, MAJOR! I like to print out my lesson and type in stuff that I need to say and all that, my printer, oh my goodness I wanted to throw the dang thing out the window! Anyways, my lesson, I was copying and pasting, sometimes when I did that it would move things where they weren't supposed to be. Needless to say I was not having a good morning. Then when I got things all situated and had like 30 min till church started, I was trying to print everything off. My lesson and all the quotes and things I wanted to hang up, to make some kind of impact. Luckily I had printed my handouts earlier, but when I wanted to print out everything else, my printer was not doing what I needed it to do. It usually prints out pretty fast, but it was taking FOREVER! I still hadn't done my hair or makeup and I only had 20 min left. If I could only get it to print out my lesson I would be fine, but of course I left that for the very end. I ran and did my hair and makeup, not a very good job by the way. It was 1:00 and my lesson still hadn't printed. We have YW first and knew I was in for it. I was FREAKING out like I normally do. I stress out about everything, all the little unimportant things, that's what I spend my time worrying about. I kept hoping that opening exercises were going to take extra long today. My lesson finally got all printed out by 1:10. I grabbed it and ran out the door. Brenden had already left with the boys. My lesson was really going to be a good one, I just knew it, if only I could get my emotions under control and not cry the whole time. I walked in, and of course my class had joined with the Beehive class. I walked to the back of the class and sat down and just started sobbing. I felt like the biggest piece of CRAP! I felt like I was so unworthy, then I started to think about all the different things that had happened this past week that went along with the lesson I was going to give, and the things I was going to say that I thought were going to be important to the young women. Then I started to feel worse that I wasn't going to be able to share these things with the girls. I was on the verge of crying through all of church, and still kinda am. Needless to say this all had lots to do with the lesson, for me anyways. It was on Self Mastery, and how we need to control our thoughts and actions. I heard or read something this last week about that we control our actions, but that Satan has more control over our thoughts. Satan can't make us do anything, but he can always plant the seed in our minds to do it. He is in our minds telling us that we aren't worthy, or that we are a giant piece of crap. Or telling me today that I should feel even worse for not being able to tell the girls the things I wanted to. Any thought he can put into our minds to make us feel undeserving or unworthy, anything to tear us down, those thoughts come from Satan. You aren't telling yourself these things, Satan is whispering them in your ears. This morning I think the Lord was trying to teach me to study my lesson in advance by messing with my computer and printer. Satan was YELLING in my ear telling me how worthless I was. I know Satan is with me more than I ever thought, and I need to remember that it's him that's telling me I'm worthless, and that he sometimes is a little louder than my Heavenly Father, and that if I can ignore him for long enough to really listen I will be able to hear the Lord telling me how much I'm worth to him. Needless to say, I am very thankful to Bev Whitlock for teaching the lesson this afternoon, she did an awesome job. But most of all I am so thankful for this calling and for my wonderful friend Chandra Farnsworth. I love her so much, she has an awesome spirit and is a great example to me. When I sat down in class she was two chairs away from me. I covered my eyes and started to cry, and she just sat quietly with her arm around me, that small gesture ment the world to me, thank you for telling me I am worth something.  We all are, just listen and you'll hear Heavenly Father tell you so.