Money

Writing things down helps me, so don't think I'm just trying to find something to complain about.  Life just sucks right now.  Well it doesn't suck, my like could be a whole lot worse.  I could be blind among other things.  It's just hard right now, and when I say that I always think of "He didn't say it would be easy, he only said it would be worth it".  I know I know, but sometimes you just have to curl up in a ball and cry.  When Jared and Heidi built their first house it was really hard, they paid the same amount for their new house as we did for our dump!  It was hard not to compare and want what we didn't and couldn't have.  Around the same time my sister Lucinda was building her new house, and of course she has very expensive taste.  Around the same time my brother Bryan was also building.  It was a hard time for me especially, wanting what wasn't mine.  When we first took out our home loan we took it out for more than we paid for it so we could fix up this place.  At that time Brenden and his family was trying to make a business for themselves, that business needed to borrow the money.  Needless to say, our house is still the same as it was before we had that money.  About 4 years ago we took out a home equity line of credit to fix up our house once again.  Brenden had started a business with one of his brothers and they needed to "borrow" the money.  We were going to get it back within a month.  Needless to say, we didn't.  I try to keep a good attitude about all this crap, I know every once in awhile I complain to my friends, because I get frustrated, but I try.  I have to tell myself my house will never get fixed, because if I don't, I get my hopes up and my dreams are crushed again!  I'm not writing all this stuff to necessarily complain, I'm just having a bad money week, and it makes me think of all the money we are forking out for stupid stuff.  The extra money we took out for our home loan, the home equity loan, our car that needs a new engine that we can't afford and can't drive, we are forking out money for all these payments, and it just sucks!  More things that suck, still owing my eye doctor about $200, owing the eye specialist over $600, owing over $1700 to a stupid dental credit card that has 30% interest!  Which brings us to the current events.  Yesterday I called my credit card company to see if they would increase my credit limit so I could transfer that $1700 to my credit card.  They said they would.  After a bunch of hassle, I mean a TON of hassle on my part, I finally was able to get online and transfer the funds.  This morning I get a call from my credit card company about that transfer, they just wanted to make sure it was I that had done it and that it wasn't fraudulent.  Anyways is what all this is boiling down to is that they had to look further into my debt and realized that I have a huge home equity loan and owe too much debt and can't increase my limit anymore.  It would be one thing if I were enjoying the benefits of the home equity loan, but since I never saw one cent of that money, and that is the reason I can't get a credit increase, it's a little, just a little, bit ANNOYING!  So as of now I'm stuck with a 30% interest loan!  Will I ever get it paid off?  You have to know that it started out as a 6 month no interest.  I had all intentions of paying it off within that amount of time.  That is when I started having my eye problems and had to start going to a specialist, along with a bunch of other money issues I won't get into.  To top it all off, I had some checks go through on my checking account that I had over looked, and had to pay the bank like $100 for that crap.  I know I'm not the BEST at my bank account, but I've come along way and I'm still working on it.  Stuff like that just makes your heart drop into your stomach.  I HATE MONEY!!!!  Will we ever be on top?  Like I said, I'm really not trying to complain, it just really helps to write it down.  I can feel the stress leaving my body.  I know the Lord is trying to teach me something, that's the only thing that's keeping me together.  Lets just learn and get on with our lives.  Hopefully it will be better :)  The thing that really sucks about this is that it's making me think I need to go get a job so that we can get out of debt faster.  But I don't want a job that's gonna take me away from my kids again.  I know one of my friends once said that they used to clean the library at night after it closed, something like that would be perfect.  Any ideas?