Life

The past couple days have been really hard.  I was on call Friday and Saturday for the ambulance.  Friday morning @ about 10:30 the pager went off, Brenden and I drove as fast as we could to the fire station, we knew what street we were going to be going on, which wasn’t far from our house, I was getting nervous.  In class they always told us that some day we will be taking someone down in the ambulance that we know, and that it’s not going to be easy.  I just didn’t think that would happen to me for quite a while.  We got into the ambulance, I had to drive, since I’ve pasted my driving test and now have to drive to the scene.  It was a Delta call so I had to drive lights and sirens.  Legally I can’t tell you where I went and anything that happened on the call, HIPPA.  But I can tell you what I’ve heard from other people, include this young lady's mother so I’ll try and incorporate it into my experience, without legally telling you anything I shouldn’t.  That’s the worst thing about being an EMT, you’re not post to say anything about the call.  I backed in the ambulance, got the gurney went and picked up the patient.  It was a hard call because I have known this girl and her family my whole life, but I couldn’t think about that right now.  I was an EMT and I had to completely shut myself down, I could feel nothing, I had a job to do.  We did what we could do to this young lady, which wasn’t a whole lot since she had a DNR.  Got her to the hospital, hugged the parents and left.
That was the call, now I will tell you about someone I know who recently passed away, legally I can’t say if this was the same person or not.  My good friend Angel Randall passed away Friday at about 3:30 p.m.  She was 29 years old, and has had a terminal brain tumor for quite a while now, the past 3 years or so has been the worst I would say.  She was one of the most amazing people it has been my privilege to know.  I am so blessed to have known such a person.  NO matter how hard it was for her to walk to the pulpit on fast Sunday and bear her testimony, even though she had a difficult time talking, she did it, every month, and it strengthened us all!  Friday morning or Thursday night, not sure which, she was having a head ach or something, and was given Tylenol.  That morning she had been communicating with her mother and everything seemed fine.  Without getting into too many details She took a nap, and they were not able to wake her up.
Like I said I had to completely shut myself down during my “call”.  I got home found out the news, then a couple hours later my good friend Emily Thomas called me, she asked me if I was ok.  I was a little puzzled that she would be calling me and asking “me” this.  She said she saw me driving the ambulance and she knew where I had been, and she was calling “me” and asking if “I” was ok.  I told her I was fine, but after getting off the phone with her it hit me, what had just happened and what I had just witnessed, and I LOST it!  I couldn’t get myself under control, I tried but couldn’t stop.  Every time I closed my eyes, I saw her, So…..I prayed, and I prayed some more.  I felt better the next morning.  I will still have my moments, but I’m doing better. 
I hate that it takes something like this to make me think.  I think of the awesome example Angel was to me in my life, and I can’t help but want to be that kind of example to someone.  I don’t want to care about worldly things anymore, or what people think about me, I just want to be the best ME I can be!  I want to share my testimony, I want to serve, I want to enrich peoples lives, I want to be better!